Crazy Quotes Articles Index

QUOTES101

 I submitted a suggestion to my boss that would save the company millions. After two weeks of silence, I went to my boss to get his feedback. He said, "Oh, I threw your suggestion away. Only managers can make suggestions."

QUOTES102

It was Friday afternoon and we were having a terrible time with a new program. Although I felt bad, I was not able to work through the night. My first vacation in 18 months was about to start and I had to catch a flight. When I reminded my boss he said, "Don't worry. Your vacation doesn't start until Monday."

QUOTES103

Several years ago we got our first fax machine. It was a "hand-me-down" fax machine from another department with the curly type paper. As the first fax came through the machine, I handed it to our boss. He said, "This is curled, why couldn't they fax us the original?"

QUOTES104

      I was suffering from the flu, but I came to work to meet a deadline. After I finished the task, I asked my boss if I could go home. It was obvious that I was very sick. He quickly said, "NO, if you couldn't work, why did you come in."

QUOTES105

        Security complained that the emergency back door of our office did not have a 'panic' handle and everyone used that door to get in and out. My boss didn't want to pay for a new door, so he locked it.

QUOTES106

I interviewed for a job with a local phone company. The vice president of the phone company told me at the end of the interview, "You are by far the most qualified person for this position. Too bad experience is not required."

QUOTES107

After confronting my boss I finally got his grudging permission to use the executive bathroom during working hours. "But," he warned, "don't make it a habit."

QUOTES108

After a year of solid effort installing a new computer system, I expected a big raise. But when review time came, I was given a meager 4%. When I inquired my boss said, "Don't you realize you are at the high end of the pay scale. If I give you more now, you might hit the ceiling, and I won't be able to give you as much next year"!

QUOTES109 - Boss quotes

1.        Counter Move
For two years we courted a customer who did not want to stock our products. After endless presentations, lunches and begging we finally got them to place an order.

Two weeks later the order came across my desk and I rushed to show my Boss. Eager to develop this new relationship, I suggested we ship the products overnight. My Boss said, "No way". Don't ship anything right away. I want to punish them like they punished us. Make them wait."

2.        A Good Briefing
My Boss decided to go with me to visit our biggest customer. On the way, I briefed him on the buyer who was a double amputee.

As soon as we entered the office and sat down, my Boss invited the buyer to play golf at his country club. Surprised, the buyer politely declined. He said golf was a game he no longer played because he had a hard time standing, no less walking around.

Undaunted, my Boss said, "Don't be silly. We'll get you a cart."

QUOTES110 - Boss quotes 2

1.  We were planning a surprise party for our Boss and she got wind of the idea. She called me into her office and said, "Please stop your party. It might prevent the managers from giving me one."

2. I was working much more unpaid overtime than anyone else in my department, and I felt singled out and abused. When I complained to my Boss, he said, "Things aren't fair at the bottom."

3. My Boss frequently complained about mistakes in my work. He said, "You obviously need more supervision." I said, "No, not more, just better."

4. A Presidential Clarification.  Our company was trying to unionize and management was strongly against it. To forestall the union effort, the President called a meeting of the entire company to present a warm and fuzzy face. The first question from the audience was straightforward and direct. A worker thinking about joining the union asked the President, "Please tell us, Mr. President, why you don't like unions."  The President bristled at the thought of a union in his plant.  He cleared his throat and said, "I see no positive contributions by unions in the companies I've examined. Mostly they produce higher salaries and shorter work weeks."  Within weeks we had a union.

QUOTES111 - Boss quotes 3

1.        My company has been through three changes in management philosophy in the last three years. Each business redirection has resulted in a change to the company's logo, increased customer confusion and lower company profits.

2.        My Boss called a department meeting. He said, "My VP is coming today. Act happy." "No can do," I said, "I have no experience at that."

Frightening Quotes From The Boss

3.        To clarify his position, my Boss said, "I'm not insensitive to your needs. I just don't care about them."

4.        "On such a large and complex project as this, we don't have time to waste on quality procedures."

5.        "Don't worry. It's okay that the analysis is flawed, the conclusion is correct."

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